What happens when someone spends years believing that an important part of who they are is something they need to hide?

For many LGBTQ+ people, fear, shame, and rejection from family, community, or religious institutions have shaped their experiences of faith. Some have been told that who they are is wrong. Others have learned to hide parts of themselves simply to feel safe or accepted.

But sometimes, one person can offer a very different message.

A person who grew up in a conservative community knew from a young age that he was different. He became successful, well-liked, and involved in his community, but he also spent years hiding his sexuality. As an adult, the pressure of keeping that secret contributed to a deep depression. When he sought guidance from both a therapist and his parish priest, the messages he received were very different. One offered some support. The other told him that being openly gay would condemn him to Hell.

Then his Aunt Letty noticed that he was struggling.

She didn’t know his secret, but she reminded him that God never makes a mistake. She told him that because God had made him, he had purpose, and that he was meant to be exactly who God created him to be.

That message gave him hope. It helped him begin living more openly and eventually build a life with the man who would become his husband.

For many LGBTQ+ people, the Church has been a source of deep hurt. That history matters. So does the opportunity to offer something different.

We can ask ourselves:

• Do the words we use about LGBTQ+ people communicate God’s love or reinforce shame?
• Are we creating spaces where people can be honest about who they are without fear of rejection?
• How might our words or actions affect someone who is still figuring out whether it is safe to be themselves?
• What would it look like to remind someone, through our welcome, that they are already worthy of love and belonging?

At Church of the Apostles, being Open and Affirming means more than saying LGBTQ+ people are welcome. It means continuing to create a community where people can worship, serve, build relationships, and grow in faith without being asked to hide who they are.

The words from Psalm 139 offer a powerful reminder: “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.“

What message are people receiving from us about who they are and how completely they are loved by God?